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Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom

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Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
IG Indiana

Run time:

7:02

Season:

1

Episode:

7

Original date:

20 July 2007

Games:

Jaws (NES)

Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom is the seventh episode of The Irate Gamer Show.

The long list of doublethink commited by The Irate Gamer can be seen here


Summary

Irate Gamer successfully conquers South America as the locals have been devoured and his house now annexes the area. Chris's Ego protects him from a major explosion and fails to learn the lesson "look with your eyes, not your hands". Chris review the nes game Indiana Jones the temple of Doom as Chris fights desperately against his suicidal tendencies in order to touch more children. Chris uses his satanic powers to summon and angel and a devil and suceeds in corrupting the angel. Chris wishes for children to be anally raped and the angel and the devil understand the meaning of 'humanitarian resources'.

Plot

Deforestation

It is unknown why Irate Gamer decided to relocate to South America. It is likely that Irate Gamer wanted to take advantage of the easily exploited lands and poor regulations regarding employment of colored persons.

Spoiler warning!
This article contains plot details.

The episode begins with Irate Gamer wearing his iconic blue shirt in South America which can only be identified by its subtitle and not by its features given that it has no wildlife and a giant road. It may be a stereotype of Irate Gamer assuming all of South America consists of no wildlife and absolutely no people live there unless killed by incoming adventurers. It is possible that Irate Gamer has already killed the locals there as people trying to live their lives would be considered wimpy by Irate Gamer standards. Irate Gamer heads into his garage which appears to be apart of the jungle. It is unknown how much wildlife was displaced and its further unknown how many trees and nest containing newborns were torn down to make room for his private garage. Given that no wild-life is present, it is likely that Irate Gamer has killed them all. Irate Gamer's shirt changes to grey as he enters the garage and takes the video game off a pillow located in the middle of the garage. This activates an explosion which sends Irate Gamer flying through the air and back into his house. Irate Gamer does not seem overly worried as his scream fails to indicate urgency or pain. It is unknown how Irate Gamer survived the over 400km Trip, but he is likely well aware that his natural girth and highly protective self-consious broke the fall. Irate Gamer is now wearing jeans.

Irate Gamer now starts playing the game but states that the game had promise but unfortunately has to be added to the pile of crappy NES games. In order to help the imaginatively impaired, the show cuts to Irate Gamer throwing the cartidge into a pile of other NES games. Irate Gamer then says “In fact, this game is so bad it just sort of hangs out there like a rotted testicle.” implying that Irate Gamer plays the game nude as testicles are incapable of hanging when clothing is being worn. Irate Gamer's comments during the Battalion Wars review supports this notion. Irate Gamer then says “Temple of Doom? More like Temple of DUNG!” demonstrating that Irate Gamer has taken ancient South American architectual studies as the Temple is more than likely held together by composite materials consisting of dung. Irate Gamer then states “You play the game as Indiana Jones”  showing once again that Irate Gamer has done his research on the subject and is a qualified expert on determining who the player character in a licensed Indiana Jones game would be. 

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - 1988 - Tengen Ltd.

At the bottom the screen it clearly tells the player to touch children. Irate Gamer would most likely condone the touching of children since it gives him powerups.

Irate Gamer is confused however as he states  “They don’t give you any objectives and just throw you in there.” ignoring the onscreen pre-stage prompt “Touch Prize to Collect, Touch Kid to See Prize”. Irate Gamer then explains that there is nothing to do but touch children and grab weapons and keys. Irate Gamer notes that there is no possible button to select weapons and states that select activates the inventory screen even though the start button does that. Irate Gamer mentions that Zelda has a much more superior inventory management system and remarks that it is so easy “even a M.C. Kid could do it.” keeping with the theme of touching children (oh and referencing AVGN). Irate Gamer states that pressing Select and a D-pad button selects a weapon but Irate Gamer does not note that this a paradox since he mistakenly mentioned that Select opens the inventory menu and thus can't have the function of quick switching. Irate Gamer keeps pressing the B button for no reason and jumps into the lava. He says “It makes about as much sense as taking a shit in a dishwasher.” in a monotone voice and then complains about the fact that Indiana Jone's hat does not melt in the lava, before switching the topic again. Irate Gamer states that people will get vertigo from the game's controls and layout, despite the fact that vertigo is the feeling of objects in motion when they are not. Irate Gamer most likely gets vertigo from looking at the controller due to fact that he does not feel comfortable with the controller in his hands but rather with the controller in his gastric cavity.

Irate Gamer mentions that some levels loop not mentioning that all of them do and makes fun of the looping backgrounds. Irate Gamer throws the game to the left, and after a noticable delay of 5 seconds, the cartridge jump cuts from the right towards him demonstrating that the Cartridge and Irate Gamer were meant for one another. Irate Gamer explains that keys are necessary for progressing through the level and a reference to adventures of lolo is made. Irate Gamer attempts to end the review by stating the game sucks when a angel and devil float over his shoulders with the Angel stating that he should play the game while the Devil tells him to blow it up. Irate Gamer tells the two to get off his arms even though they are floating entities who could fry him in a moment. Given that the  entities appear smaller and wimpier than him, Irate Gamer is likely uncomfortable with the fact the two entities have not been processed for nutrients as he cannot use his arms to grab and lift them into his oral cavity. Irate Gamer then states that if you were to pay for the game, it would be similar to being anally raped which Irate Gamer would
Picture 15

Irate Gamer is unable to establish that pressing the right button will prevent death. Double Negatives are always a source of difficulty in terms of communication.

condone since children would most likely wish to buy the game. Irate Gamer states that if you have to "press the wrong button or you'll die" which is a complete explanation for why Irate Gamer is unable to play the game because the game expects him to press the right button to avoid death but he is convinced that one should press the button that guarantee's death in order to avoid death.

Irate Gamer then encounters a new enemy, spiders which can jump onto indy to cause to stun him. Irate gamer asks “How is Indiana Jones such a pushover to spiders? I can understand if this game was called ‘Rick Moranis and the Temple of Doom’ but Harrison Ford? Come on!” indicating that he is not aware that Rick Moranis has played many tough characters and merely looks wimpy, perhaps due to his glasses. But of course since Rick Moranis appears wimpy, Irate Gamer's superior moral conduct would dictate that Rick Moranis is an acceptable target. Irate Gamer skips to the last level of the game (which can be easily spoted since the live counter is at 10 even though he's died over 50+ times so far) and is angered by the presence of a simple 'you win' scene which is in 90% of the games of he's played "over a dozen times" and knows the all "ins and outs of". The angel and the devil both tell Irate Gamer to destroy the game in which case he puts the game into a microwave, which causes the game to explode without damaging the microwave in any way and for the Mortal Kombat toasty guy to appear and state "toasty!". The Angel's advocation of the game's destruction demonstrates that Irate Gamer has used his demonic and heretical powers shown in the Ghost and Goblins review to corrupt the Angel. Regardless, the Angel and the Devil no longer show up again and thus it is likely they were processed for nutrients by Irate Gamer.

TV Legenda Nobody Likes the Toasty Guy - Dorkly (Legendado PT-BR)01:41

TV Legenda Nobody Likes the Toasty Guy - Dorkly (Legendado PT-BR)

The Toasty Guy being a loner even in his own universe naturally has a place in Irate Gamer's universe. Unfortunately since he is weaker than Irate Gamer and has no defenses, Irate Gamer most likely killed him.

Notable Flubs

  • 3:37 - "you end it right back from where you started from"

Trivia

  • Chris Bores states that he poured his blood, sweat and tears into making the angel and devil appear tiny into the video. It should be noted that this trick can be done in less than 15 minutes and was used to great affect in the hit movie Honey I Shrunk the Kids.
  • Chris Bores states that it took him 1 hour to make the toasty guy and toasty voice clip appear during the last section of the review. It should be noted that this can be done in less than 2 minutes assuming the resources are available. 
  • The "Toasty" joke is similar to the one performed The AVGN's McKid review but the timing and use of toasty was changed so as to lower the quality. Irate Gamer references this by saying "its so easy, a McKid could do it".
  • Chris Bores went to great lengths to parody the famous Raiders of the Lost Ark scene, but forgot to actually swap the "artifact" with a similar object.
  • Some fans assumed that the levels "loop like a Flinstone cartoon" was ripped off of AVGN's Wally Bear and the NO! Gang review. However, there was a Simpson's episode "The Front" where a similar joke was used. Thus this is most likely a coincedence rather than an instance of plagarism

External links

Video

The IRATE Gamer - Indiana Jones - Temple of Doom NES-007:12

The IRATE Gamer - Indiana Jones - Temple of Doom NES-0

Previous episode: Next episode:
Jaws Super Mario Bros 2

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